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The Bull Hotel, Bridport, Dorset
If the sexually-paralysed protagonists of Ian McEwan’s 'On Chesil Beach' had chosen to spend their honeymoon at The Bull Hotel, just inland from their chosen spot on Dorset’s Jurassic Coast, then the erotic urge might have come a little more freely. Who, after all, could lie on an enormous Victorian-style brass bed, while fat, pink flowers loom down from the wallpaper behind, without experiencing the first pricklings of lust? And that’s just one of the rooms – deep crimsons, soft lighting, plump chaise-longues and plenty of other sexy adornments litter the others. Crikey, it’s enough to make you want to take a cold dip in your freestanding, roll-top bath! Other ways to cool your ardour include driving out into the beautiful Dorset countryside or dipping your toes into the bracing waters of the county’s dramatic coastline. Then it’s back to the hotel for the likes of sausage and mash, and locally-dived scallops in the hotel’s wonderful restaurant. Eat up, you’ll need your energy for the night ahead.
Hurst House On The Marsh, East Marsh, Laugharne, Carmarthenshire, Wales
Situated in the middle of 3,000-acres of Carmarthenshire countryside, Hurst House on the Marsh is quite simply the most gloriously eccentric thing to come out of Wales since Shirley Bassey first threw on a feather boa and started humming along to Bond themes. There’s a 28-foot fire-breathing steel dragon in the courtyard, a chrome-and-glass bar that looks as though it’s on loan from the Tate Modern and hand-carved Moroccan doors, as well as Dalí-esque melting clocks and giant angle-poise lamps, which bring a surreal edge to Dylan Thomas’ former home village. But it’s certainly not a case of style over substance. Rooms, though more vivid than Tom Jones' suntan, are comfortable and warm; the spa is as luxurious as any you’d find in the metropolis; and the delicious menu, put together by Gordon Ramsay protégé Scott Davis, concentrates on fresh, local ingredients, such as black beef, salt-marsh lamb and straight-out-of-the-ground leeks.
Barnsley House, Barnsley, Gloucestershire
A horizon-dominating vision in ivy-covered Cotswold stone, Barnsley House is where 17th-century period drama meets 21st-century design – glass-walled bathrooms, neutral shades on the walls, strong browns and blacks in the sheer-edged furniture. Its grounds – shaded paths weaving between hidden statues, expertly-trimmed topiary and bushes bursting with mellow fruitfulness – are equally enticing, and wandering aimlessly amidst the foxgloves and heather of the gardens is the most bucolic way possible to work up a hunger. So, after a soak in your claw-footed, roll-top bath, either tuck into the likes of duck legs with tortino potatoes and mozzarella in the restaurant, or make your way down the road to the Village Pub, owned by Barnsley House, for hearty rump steak and salsa verdé or John Dory with braised octopus.
The Miller Of Mansfield, Goring On Thames, Berkshire
Red‑brick, tile‑roofed and originating in the 18th century, the Miller of Mansfield sits, sidled up to a flint cottage, opposite a Tudor‑topped corner chapel and a stone parish church. This is the England so beloved of American tourists and Conservative party-political broadcasts – an almost mythical place where willow trees dangle their branches lazily into mirror-clear river water, and dogs and children play happily with ducks on lovingly-tended village greens. The Miller of Mansfield seems quite happy to go with this – open fires crackle in the bar, battered brown-leather armchairs are filled with Telegraph-reading couples, and roast beef and Yorkshires are served up on Sundays. But such pre-war trappings are balanced out by stylish, modern design – particularly in the bedrooms, where striking flock wallpaper contrasts effectively with white linen and simple furniture – as well as cocktails and tapas-style dishes in the bar, and an inventive menu that makes clever use of local produce.
To book any of these luxurious hotels, or to purchase a copy of Mr & Mrs Smith Hotel Collection: UK/Ireland Volume 2 (£19.95), the essential guide to the most inspirational places to stay in the British Isles, please call +44 (0)845 034 0700 or visit www.mrandmrssmith.com
